Celeb beefs with our small towns

Hell hath no fury like small-town New Zealand going up against an A-lister.

Kia ora and welcome to The Weekend brought to you by Coffee Supreme.

Shanti has been pursuing lifelong dreams of solo tramping and lifelong nightmares of sending her eReader through the washing machine, so you have me, Gabi Lardies, as a replacement. Don’t worry, Shanti will be back next week.

Last week, she declared the election “officially over”, but unfortunately, it drags on with coalition negotiations and vote-counting disasters. We don’t need to read about those things today because the former have been kept very secret, and the latter didn’t impact the outcome. Offline, I’ve been tucking into Britney Spears’ new memoir (review coming soon) and The What Now Laugh Collection, a glorious book published in 1999. Here’s a favourite:

“Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a Range Rover?

A hedgehog has its pricks on the outside.”

- Gabi Lardies, staff writer

A brief history of big celebrities beefing with small-town New Zealand

There's something extremely crack-up about the cultural clash that occurs when big celebrities rock into small-town New Zealand. Inspired by the latest Noel Edmonds vs Ngātimōti beef, excellently and thoroughly reported in this stunning two-part Stuff investigation, Alex Casey delved into the archives to look at other times that international superstars have peeved off salt-of-the-earth locals.

Which big name Hollywood director was told to take "a rowboat back to America" by a Featherston farmer? Which rockstar's memories of Kaipara were called a "crock of shit" by his neighbour? And which country singer's estate didn't impress the people of Wānaka much? You'll have to read it to find out.

More celebs taking over small towns, the wild horses of Ahipara.

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The language double standard

Madeleine Chapman asks why, as Palestinian parents search the rubble of their destroyed homes for their children’s bodies after nights of Israeli airstrikes, the language that journalists and spokespeople use to describe the horrors has been so measured and contested.

Charlotte Muru-Lanning has talked to academics about New Zealand’s fractured response to the conflict. One stand-out quote comes from Robert Patman, international relations professor in the University of Otago. He says, “Politics is often the choice between the disagreeable and the intolerable. You have to work out whether this country should remain comfortably silent while thousands of innocent civilians are killed, or do we risk ruffling a few feathers?” 

Today, another week of rallies calling for a ceasefire in Gaza continues in Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, New Plymouth, Hastings, Palmerston North and Christchurch at 2pm.

Video of the week: Every Word Counts

This short (28 minutes) documentary overwhelmed my little heart. I laughed and I cried, which was awkward because I was at work. I felt humbled at how the three competitive Scrabble players allowed me, a stranger, into their worlds. It was probably because the director and editor, Alexander Gandar, is a player himself. He’s treated the documentary with a tender hand and a sense of humour.

If it inspires you to play Scrabble, we’ve got 10 easy tips to get really good at it.

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If, like Leeanne, you enjoy our work and want to support us, please consider becoming a member today by making a contribution.

Reigniting the flame

In this excerpt from monumental new book Pacific Arts Aotearoa, poet Tusiata Avia shares her pathway to becoming an artist, and the people who helped her along the way. It starts like this:

“I spent a lot of my life escaping. When I was seven, I decided I was going to leave Christchurch – my birthplace, the place my father immigrated to from Sāmoa in 1953. I was going to travel the world. At 10, I drew up a plan (and I quote): “I would like to go to Africa, Europe, India, America, Spain, Hawai‘i, Sāmoa.” I gave myself 10 years. I did eventually leave – not precisely to my timeframe, but once I flew away, I was quite sure it was forever.”

I had hot tears in my eyes when I read this. It's been a heartfelt week. 

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Everything else

• “Being hot doesn’t protect you from extinction.” My favourite bird, the kakī, finally gets some of the recognition it deserves.

• In a new TV show, Te Hokinga Mai, Māori share their journeys of reconnecting with whenua and whakapapa.

• The Christchurch Monopoly board (official) is giving some pretty big snubs.

• On page 24 of YOUR EX (online here), there’s a profile of Hamilton’s Rainbow Hub Waikato. They say it’s New Zealand’s only permanent space dedicated to the rainbow community that’s not a bar or night club.

• Mad Chapman has audited the demographics of the incoming government. In short, a whole lot of men are going to be in charge (again).

• If you’ve been wondering about “from the river to the sea”, listen to this breakdown by Justine Sachs, founder of Dayenu: New Zealand Jews Against Occupation.

• If you don’t like the election results, consider that democracy may not be the system that best serves us.

• Have you ever wanted to know heaps about stick insects? NZ Geographic’s got this covered.

• Will Bill English ever live down putting canned spaghetti on a pizza?

• Just how many Stuff staff have been hired by RNZ? Media nerd Duncan Greive investigates.

• How do animals choose what to wear? They want to hide, but also stand out.

• Here’s how Auckland really looked in 1989. One by me, lots of photos I promise.

• Is classical music only for posh old people? This personal account by Metro editor Henry Oliver has made me think maybe it's not.

• Would you like a free mushroom growing kit? Then I recommend reading Their house, my garden: Eat your health hazard.

A bonus joke for those who made it to the end:

Why will computers never replace newspapers?

Have you ever tried to light a fire with a computer?