The phrase of the year is ‘gingle malt’

Real friends, fake togs and a whole lot of gift guides

Kia ora and welcome to The Weekend with Madeleine Chapman

This is my final weekend newsletter for the year and I was struggling to think of how I could sum up the year in a clever, succinct way. At our Spinoff Year in Review event in Auckland on Wednesday, host Anna Rawhiti-Connell asked the audience to cheer if they thought this year had been better than last year. It was dead silent.

That’s probably about as succinct as you can get, but I wanted something that I could share, something that I could see in the future and think “remember 2024?”, something that is so uniquely 2024 that it wouldn’t mean anything else.

And then I found gingle malt.

I was at The Warehouse with my girlfriend, each of us looking for one specific item – her a single bauble and me a tin of chocolate wafer sticks, the best festive snack of all. While looking through the seemingly random assortment of individual Christmas decorations on offer, we viewed a greatest hits of festive puns (sleigh instead of slay, for example). All were predictable and fine, until we got to gingle malt.

There, on a purple liquor bottle with glitter on its neck, were the words “gingle malt”. I picked it up and froze. Gingle malt. My brain whirred into action (it always falls asleep when I’m in a store with concrete floors) trying to understand it. My first connection was single malt. That made sense. But what the hell was “gingle”? It took me a moment more to realise the intended pun was “jingle”, in the same way Bed, Bath & Beyond still sells “All the jingle ladies” sleep shirts.

Gingle malt is perfectly 2024. The sticker being slightly crooked and the fact that the shape of the purple bottle is clearly a champagne bottle not a whisky bottle just adds to the charm. What better way to sum up a dumpster fire year than gingle malt (hard g)?

Since that day, I have found myself muttering “gingle malt” every time I see or hear the words single or jingle. Every gingle time. I ponder the series of errors that led to me being the proud owner of a gingle malt tree decoration.

It’s a bit depressing when you think you about it too much: the Chinese manufacturers collating a list of lazy English puns to mass-produce; the inclusion of jingle as festively rhyming with single; the person who knew there was such a thing as a soft G and maybe did not know about J; the lack of a second set of eyes to check; the thousands of stickers being printed; the incorrect pairing with a champagne bottle; the thin plastic that will break immediately but never break down; the cursed addition of glitter; the janky application of the sticker so it almost looks like it’s made by a child; the lack of a second set of eyes (again) to check; the purchasing by The Warehouse, where people know about hard Gs; and finally, the outrageous $5 price tag (it was $3 by the time I bought it).

Every single element of the gingle malt decoration was poorly considered, poorly executed and lacked any real person’s oversight or care from inception to point of sale. And it’s overpriced.

If that isn’t 2024 in two words, I don’t know what is.

A merry gingle malt to us all.

This week on Behind the Story: Aotearoa and movies

Senior writer Alex Casey has a long history with cinema, both as a reviewer and as a former projectionist. This week she wrote two film-adjacent features. The first had Alex travel to Akaroa to speak to the people running a bustling local cinema and then go down a rabbit hole of South Island cinemas holding on to the movies as a third space. And the second is just a fun appreciation of our strangely high proportion of successful child actors, and what makes it possible to succeed here at 11 years old. She appeared on Behind the Story to talk local reporting, the magic of movies and the very best of our child actors.

Read the stories Alex discusses:

• The small town cinemas holding on at the edge of the world

• How does New Zealand produce so many successful child actors?

This Christmas, give the gift of extraordinary.

After a bumper 2024, New Zealand Opera have just unveiled a powerhouse 2025 season, showcasing some of the most incredible voices that Aotearoa and the world have to offer. From intimate chamber works and uplifting community-focused performances to an unmissable staging of one of the most beloved operas ever written, the season truly has something for every entertainment appetite. So slip some tickets or a gift voucher under the tree, and give the art lover in your life an experience they’ll never forget.

Check out the full season calendar and book now at NZ Opera (sponsored)

The Spinoff Essay: A love letter to my five friends

In this week’s essay, Venetia Sherson thanks her inner circle after nearly 50 years of friendship.

“Over our lifetimes, each of us has suffered grief, trauma and major disappointment. In 1984, D’s parents died prematurely within weeks of each other, leaving her bereft and mourning the gaping loss of grandparents for her two young sons. We held each other in my kitchen. When one of my sons was diagnosed with cancer, she was the person I turned to. When her husband went into care with a cruel and debilitating illness I saw her navigate each change with unfailing love and dignity. ‘It must be a relief,’ some said when he died. Her friends knew it was the cruellest thing to say.”

Freezers, pasteurisers and funding woes: A day at a human milk bank in Christchurch

Staff writer Shanti Mathias reports from a volunteer-run milk bank, where donated breast milk is processed and distributed to newborns in need.

“Brand new babies don’t need a huge amount of milk, just a few millilitres per feed (though feeds are frequent). A poster on the wall of the milk bank shows how quickly babies grow: on the first day of life, 5-7ml is recommended per feed, about the size of a cherry. By day three, that’s more like 20-30ml, more like an apricot. These small volumes mean that small amounts of donations can make a difference. To give a sense of the scale, Hiskemuller says that in November 2024, the milk bank gave 38.9 litres of milk from 11 donors to 114 recipient babies.”

An update on the response to our open letter

It’s been a fortnight since we published our open letter outlining our current reality.

We revealed that only 2% of our audience support us financially and shared the real need to double the number of members who support us with monthly or annual payments. As of today, we are over one third of the way towards that target.

The response to our letter has been encouraging. Thank you to all our existing members who responded by donating or increasing their contributions. We’re grateful to all who also decided to sign up again. Welcome to our new members. We’re delighted to have you. We still have a way to go, but the support has made us as determined as ever to get there. Please continue to spread the word and share the letter. You can also gift someone a membership for Christmas or donate as an organisation or company. If you haven't yet, please become a member or donate today.

I see hundreds of ads for togs so why is it so hard to find a decent pair?

Togs, togs, everywhere and not a pair Anna Rawhiti-Connell wants to wear. She had two pretty simple criteria, that they cover her bum and create a distinction between where her breasts end and her back starts. She wants to pull a pair of togs up and dive beneath the waves without worrying about an escaped tit when surfacing. After being bombarded by hundreds of ads for swimwear on Instagram, she has two new observations about togs that necessitate adding more criteria to the list. Togs must contain her labia, both minora and majora and the must prevent the sun’s rays from burning her nipples or any part of her body previously covered by simply wearing togs.

The stories Spinoff readers spent the most time with this week

• Madeleine Chapman and Hera Lindsay Bird’s close read the United Healthcare CEO suspect Luigi Mangione’s Goodreads account

• Joel MacManus investigates a Wellington urban legend: Did Te Rauparaha really drink at the Thistle Inn?

• Hera Lindsay Bird with part one of her book recommendations for every year of your life (age 0-30). Part two will be published next week.

• The Spinoff Review of Books presents the The Spinoff’s best NZ books of 2024

• Gabi Lardies visits Auckland institution Geoff’s Emporium after they announced they were closing after 42 years

Recommended reads for your weekend

• In the final instalment in our Malls of New Zealand ranking series, Hera Lindsay Bird ranks the Dunedin malls that are actually one mall

• Jihee Junn gets the inside story behind Auckland’s Korean culinary boom

• For the occasion of Conan O’Brien’s Shortland Street cameo, Alex Casey looks back at some of the more memorable cameos to grace Ferndale

• From ‘testing’ to ‘tiring’, there’s a clear theme in our pantheon of politics watchers’ description of this year in one sentence

• From Chris Warner’s beard to Newshub’s tearful goodbye, Alex Casey and Tara Ward bring you the TV moments that gripped the nation this year

• Hera Lindsay Bird has the offical advice for navigating Auckland traffic without going insane

• Wellington traitor Toby Manhire has been electrified by Mt Smart thanks to Auckland FC

• Books editor Claire Mabey has judged this year’s New Zealand books by their covers

We’ve sorted the end of your year

For your beach time or gift inspiration, we’ve rounded up the best local books published this year, and have reading guide for each year of your life (well, 0-30 year olds so far). If you have a book lover in your life, take them along to The Spinoff Book Club where books editor Claire Mabey and special guests will chat about some of their favourites from the year past, and their recommendations for the year to come.

If you’re at odds for non-book presents, check out our Kirihimete gift guide 2024: cool stuff from Māori and Pasifika-led brands and our gift guide for people who really don’t want to buy shit. A Spinoff membership is also a hot gift ;)

Reader feedback of the week

• On A gift guide for people who really don’t want to buy shit

“One of the best presents I ever got was a voucher from my sister for removal of the agapanthus from my garden. I have a lovely patch of violets there now and I'm grateful to her every time I look at them. (And so I should be, it was hard, long job).”

• A selection of other suggestions for “The world in 2024, in one sentence”

“Round”, “in limbo”, “Flaccid”. “Endgame”, “Kakistocracy”, “The Empire Strikes Back”, “2024 was pyrrhic”, “My summation: ensh*ttified.”

“I’m going to use a quote instead “Crisis is change screaming to happen” by Robert Kiyosaki. That’s what this year seems like to me.”

And finally, another perspective:
“It only feels this relentless, clamorous and monster-filled if you stay down in the weeds. If you look up, zoom out and consider the bigger picture (i.e. the last 100 - 300 years), things are so much better! (but omg, that monster quote is brilliant, had to look it up and gulp, those really were dark day. c'mon guys, there is no world war happening)”

Thanks for reading. See you next year.

Get the best of the Spinoff sent to you over summer

Sign up for The Spinoff Daily to receive our twice-weekly summer digest. Sent to you at the leisurely time of 10am on Tuesdays and Fridays over the summer break, you can enjoy a handpicked selection of the best of The Spinoff this year. Perfect for beach, bach, backyard or travel reading.